For many high functioning professionals, success is a familiar companion. You have likely navigated demanding degrees and managed high-pressure teams with a great sense of purpose. Yet, beneath the surface of a life that is seemingly “going to plan,” there is often a quiet, persistent weight. You might find yourself at your desk feeling a chronic sense of loneliness. Not for a lack of people, but because of the exhaustion of ADHD masking.
ADHD masking, also known as social camouflaging, is the invisible labor of hiding neurodivergent traits to fit into a neurotypical world. While it helps you “rock up” to the boardroom appearing composed and “on it,” the internal cost is a profound sense of disconnection.
The Achievement Society and the Drive to Mask
In his work The Burnout Society, philosopher Byung-Chul Han argues that we have moved from a society of “should” to a society of “can.” We are no longer oppressed by external masters but by our own internal drive to achieve. For an adult professional, ADHD masking is the ultimate tool of this “unlimited can.”
We exploit our own resources to over-compensate for executive function challenges. We work twice as hard to stay organized, suppress our restlessness, and monitor our speech just to prove we can keep up. This creates what Han calls “the tiredness that isolates.” It is a solitary exhaustion where you become a “project” to be managed rather than a person to be known.
The “Echo of the Same”: Why Masking Leads to Loneliness
In The Expulsion of the Other, Han describes a state of existence where we lose the ability to encounter someone truly different from ourselves. He calls this the “proliferation of the same.”
When you engage in ADHD masking, you are essentially presenting a mirror to the world. You show people a curated version of what you think they want to see. Because you are performing a role, you never feel truly seen or “met” in your interactions. This is why you can be surrounded by colleagues or friends and still feel entirely alone. True friendship requires an encounter with the “Other”—a connection that can only happen when the performance ends.
The Agony of Self-Optimization
The pressure to “fix” your brain or “unhook” from your symptoms can become so consuming that you accidentally expel the presence of others from your internal life. Hyper-independence becomes a protective shield. You might take pride in not needing anyone, but in doing so, you become the lone navigator of your life.
At Sydney City Psychology, we see this often: professionals who are “roommates” in their own relationships because they are too busy being “high-functioning projects” in their careers.
Moving Beyond ADHD Masking: Mindful Action
We do not believe in band-aid solutions or just “trying harder.” We help you move from the pressure of “can” to the clarity of “alignment.”
Acknowledge the Labour: Recognize that ADHD masking is a survival strategy, but one that has a high interest rate on your energy.
Practice Transparency: Finding a “neat presentation” isn’t always the goal. True connection starts with the courage to be seen without the mask.
Contemplative Space: Create moments of quiet that allow your nervous system to settle. This allows for the “deep attention” required to truly connect with another person.
If you are tired of the “I’m fine” mask and are ready to renegotiate your relationship with yourself, it would be our privilege to help you. We are located on Macquarie Street and work with adults across Australia to navigate these private obstacles at their own pace.
