Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a complex mental health condition that affects how people perceive themselves and interact with others in relationships. When it comes to romantic relationships, the challenges associated with BPD can have a profound impact on both members of the relationship. In this blog post, we will compassionately explore what BPD means, discuss some of the early life events that may contribute to its development, shed light on the fears experienced by people living with BPD, and provide relationship strategies for people living with BPD and their partners. Additionally, we will explore how psychologists can provide valuable support to people with BPD and help navigate the unique dynamics of romantic relationships.
Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder is characterised by persistent patterns of emotional instability, difficulties in self-image and identity, intense fear of abandonment, and turbulent interpersonal relationships. It is important to approach this topic with compassion and understanding, recognising that people with BPD often face unique challenges that can impact their relationships and self-esteem. It’s also important to note that people with BPD can and do develop healthy relationships, however this usually requires a lot of work with a psychologist, psychiatrist, or therapist who is specialised in personality disorder work. This is because a lot of the challenges for someone with BPD are difficult to recognise and change on your own.
Early Life Events and BPD Development
Many people with BPD have experienced childhood events that may contribute to the development of the disorder. These events can include chronic childhood trauma, invalidating or abusive childhood environments, chronic neglect, or unstable relationships. It’s crucial to recognize that these experiences, although challenging, have shaped the person’s worldview and coping mechanisms in the very young years of their life.
Fears of people with BPD
People with BPD often experience intense fear, particularly related to abandonment and rejection. These fears can manifest in a variety of ways, such as emotional outbursts, sudden clingy or obsessive behaviours, or attempts to test the love and commitment of their partners by acting out. Understanding and validating these fears is essential for building trust and promoting a healthy relationship dynamic, as well as finding new ways to respond to the many hidden ways that these fears can manifest themselves in day-to-day life when in a relationship. It’s not just romantic relationships that are affected, either, but romantic relationships often have a level of intensity that can make BPD difficulties more apparent. As stated earlier, these challenges can be worked on through therapy and people with BPD can learn to navigate relationships in a healthier manner.
Are you a Partner of Someone with BPD?
Here are some tips on how to navigate a relationship when your partner lives with BPD.
- Educate yourself: Learn about BPD and its impact on relationships. Understanding the disorder can help reduce misconceptions and promote empathy.
- Practice effective communication: Engage in active listening, validate your partner’s emotions, and express your needs and boundaries clearly.
- Set realistic expectations: Recognise that progress may come gradually, and both partners need to be patient and supportive during the journey.
- Encourage therapy: Support your partner in seeking professional help and participate in couples therapy if needed. Therapy can provide guidance and promote healthy relationship dynamics.
Relationship Strategies for People with BPD
If you’re living with BPD, there is a lot you can do to improve your wellbeing and functioning in a relationship. These challenges can be overcome, but it requires self-reflection and purposeful changes to behaviour that can feel automatic at times. Some tips:
- Seek professional help: Engaging in therapy, such as dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), can provide valuable tools for managing emotions, improving communication, and developing healthy coping strategies.
- Practice self-awareness: Learn to identify and regulate emotions, recognising triggers and patterns of behavior that may impact relationships.
- Communicate openly: Express fears and concerns to your partner in a calm and non-accusatory manner. Honest and open communication fosters understanding and promotes healthier relationship dynamics.
- Engage in “self-care” by prioritising your feelings and state of mind: Prioritise self-care activities, such as engaging in hobbies, practicing mindfulness, and seeking emotional support from trusted people outside of the romantic relationship. Don’t rely solely on your partner for social and emotional support – instead build a group of friends and trusted others who you can turn to at times when things feel challenging.
How Psychologists Can Support BPD
Psychologists can play a crucial role in supporting people with BPD and their partners in navigating the complexities of romantic relationships. Here are some ways psychologists can provide valuable support:
- Conducting assessments and diagnosing BPD.
- Providing individual therapy, such as dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), to help people develop emotion regulation skills, improve interpersonal effectiveness, and build self-esteem.
- Offering couples therapy to improve communication, develop conflict resolution strategies, and promote understanding between partners.
- Conducting family therapy sessions to help build education and understanding within families about the challenges faced by the person living with BPD.
- Providing in-depth psychodynamic therapy to help address some of the potential trauma within a person’s past that may have contributed to the development of BPD symptoms, and to provide new ways of responding to painful behaviour in relationships that might trigger these old traumatic patterns of relating.
- Collaborating with other healthcare professionals involved in the individual’s treatment, such as psychiatrists or social workers, to provide comprehensive care.
In Conclusion
Borderline Personality Disorder presents unique challenges in romantic relationships, but with understanding, empathy, and professional support, people with BPD and their partners can build healthy and fulfilling connections. By recognising the impact of early life events, addressing fears, and implementing relationship strategies, individuals and couples can cultivate a supportive and nurturing environment. Clinical psychologists play a crucial role in supporting people with BPD and their partners by providing therapeutic interventions, guidance, and education. With the right support and commitment, people with BPD can (and do) experience meaningful and fulfilling relationships that break free of the old patterns of painful relating, and that instead focus on care and connection over the long-term.
Remember, seeking professional help and maintaining open lines of communication are essential steps towards building a resilient and harmonious partnership. If you or your partner are looking for a clinical psychologist to help you address the challenges of BPD, get in touch with us today at Sydney City Psychology.
We are available in the Sydney CBD or online across Australia. Get in touch today to book in with one of our psychologists who is experienced at working with BPD, at your own pace, to learn new ways of being with the challenging stuff in life. Because you matter, and you don’t have to deal with it alone. Call us today: (02) 9235 3127
