Episode 18. Parents with ADHD: Tips for parenting with ADHD

[00:00:00] Hey there, and welcome back to 10 Minute Mood, your Go-to podcast for mental health insights that leave you feeling a bit more understood and a lot more equipped. I’m Aspasia, and today we’re diving into a topic that’s close to the hearts of many of my clients , which is parenting,

when you as the parent, have ADHD. Parenting is a wild ride for anyone. But when you’re also navigating ADHD as a parent, it can feel like you’re doing it with one hand tied behind your back.

It’s full on. We’ll unpack the very real challenges that this brings, share some practical tips that will lighten the load, and to celebrate wonderful strengths that you can bring to the parenting game and to remind you that you are no less or no more of a parent because you also have ADHD.

You can parent just as well with just as much value. It might just look a little different.

Parenting with ADHD can feel overwhelming. ADHD can mess with things like focus, organization, impulse control, keeping our emotions in check, all the stuff that parenting demands day in and day out.

Maybe you’ve had that moment where you blank on packing a lunch, or you realize bedtime routines gone out the window again, or perhaps that overwhelmed feeling of being buried under laundry, toys, disorganization. I just can’t keep up, right? These struggles don’t make you a failure. They just mean that you work a little bit differently and that’s okay.

So we’re gonna name those challenges, figure out how you might be able to tackle some of them and try and remind you that you’re not alone in this. So what does parenting with ADHD look like in the trenches? If you’re listening to this, you probably already know, just to paint a brief picture, consistency here can be a tough nut to crack.

A [00:02:00] DHD brains aren’t really wired for sticking to the same old routine. So whether it’s enforcing rules like no screen before homework, or keeping the house running smoothly. With all those day-to-day routines, you might start off strong, but then your focus tends to drift and suddenly it can be chaos central.

There’s also organizations, so keeping track of school events, doctor’s appointments, that one form that you swore you were gonna sign and send back to school. All these things can feel like mission impossible. Impulsivity can also sneak in there, so maybe you blurt out a yes to dessert before dinner

when you meant to say no, or you impulsively suggest that you can go on a play date with your child’s best friend today, when you suddenly remember that they’re out of town and your child’s already very excited about the impending play date that’s not gonna happen, all these sorts of things.

There’s also the emotional impact of all of this. So living with ADHD means that feelings can often hit hard and fast, and this is really relevant when you think about toddlers having a meltdown or you know your teenager giving you attitude. It’s extra tricky to stay cool and collected and to respond in the way that you want to respond. And all that overstimulation of parenting, you know, all the stuff that comes with parenting noise, multiple requests, all at once, tantrums, meltdowns, all of that can be really overwhelming for a parent with ADHD. It can make it feel impossible to get simple tasks done around the house while all this other stuff is happening at once.

So if any of that sounds familiar and you’re nodding along, then know this. These things aren’t signs that you are dropping the ball as a parent. They’re really not. They’re just part of the ADHD package. Having ADHD doesn’t mean anything [00:04:00] about your value as a parent, and it definitely doesn’t mean anything about your parenting being any worse or any better than anyone else’s.

It doesn’t mean that you can’t parent well, it just means that you have your own unique signature to how you’re gonna get things done with your kids. And there are always ways to work with these differences to help you to feel more confident and in control and less worried about the bits that feel so hard. 

So let’s get to the good stuff. How do you parent when you have ADHD without losing your mind? So the trick is to play to your brain strengths and to try and build systems that don’t fight its natural wiring. If we think about it like that. Here are some practical ideas that you could try.

So, routines that have a twist. We all know that routines are parenting gold, right? But they’re tough if you have ADHD. So you can make them stick with visual cues. So having a really big calendar on the wall or a whiteboard with clear, simple steps like brush teeth change into PJ’s story. Having it listed in clear order like that for bedtime or , a calendar that just tells you what’s happening at school each day of the week.

Something like Monday library bag, Tuesday, sports uniform, and so on. Right? And keep it in the same place where you store the school bags. So that you are forced to see it when you go to get the school bag. Seeing this information helps your brain to lock it in, but they’re also just really clear, logical prompts to remind you of what you need to be doing in that moment,

and as a bonus, you can let your kids decorate these things to keep it fun. The next thing is breaking down big tasks into very small steps. So big tasks like Clean the House can paralyze a parent with ADHD. So instead just chop them into tiny steps, put dishes in [00:06:00] sync, wipe table. Empty drawers, whatever it is, small wins

build momentum without overwhelming you. You are much better off to engage in a small task that is part of a bigger task than you are to try and just jump into something that is a big task. Tech can also be really helpful here, so your phone can be a real help if you use it to set alarms. Use apps to jot down notes and tasks along the way.

Use your calendar function as much as you can. Uh, bonus points if you can make it playful color coding your to-do list. Keeping things humorous where you can, there’s 1,001 apps out there that can help with organization and planning, especially when it comes to parenting. The next one is called Five Minute Magic.

So if you are feeling stuck, try picking up one thing you can do in just five minutes. It might be folding two towels and putting them away. It might be packing a snack in a bag when you’re about to go out. Just find something that you could feasibly get done in five minutes and just do that. It’s less intimidating and at least it gets you moving towards a goal.

Pause and reset is another one. So if your emotions are running high, it can be really good to just take a moment, take a deep breath, name it right, I’m frustrated right now. Naming it gives you space to respond and not just react. You’re also modeling what to do with emotions for your kids. And finally, the point I really wanna drive home is that self-care isn’t optional.

I know this is true for every parent, but it’s really important with ADHD to take moments to regain some balance wherever you can. Parenting is extra stimulating when you have ADHD, so eating some protein, taking your meds, prioritizing a very quick nap, a very quick walk around the block. All of these things help you to show up better for your [00:08:00] kids.

This is especially true with ADHD. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Another way to think about it is like when they’re giving the emergency briefing on an airplane and they always say to put on your own oxygen mask before you can help your kids to put on theirs. Keeping yourself in a good condition as best as you can given the circumstances is also going to help your kids.

And here’s the golden rule, be gentle with yourself. You will slip up, you will forget a deadline, you’ll lose your call. It’s human. Try telling yourself. I’m trying and that’s what counts. I’m still valuable. Parenting is a long journey. We are learning at every step of it, and so being gentle with yourself along the way

and not being too harsh or critical with yourself will build your confidence and help you to stay connected to your kids along the way, which is ultimately the most important thing. Even if it’s not perfectly organized or planned, a good solid connection with your kids, a moment of fun, these are such important things.

Now let’s also remember that with ADHD, there also comes a lot of creativity for many people., you might be the parent who turns a rainy day into a fort building extravaganza or whips up bedtime stories that are pure gold. You might have a lot more energy too, depending on what stage of parenting you’re in.

But your ability to be playful with your child is often enhanced because of this more creative way of thinking. Sometimes you might even find that hyper focus comes into effect if you find yourself getting lost in building a Lego city with your child or putting together a puzzle.

And again, that’s often ADHD doing its thing and it’s [00:10:00] awesome. I know a mom who used to beat herself up over and over for forgetting to sign all those school permission slips and forms that seem to be due back every week. She would always give herself a hard time about how she would never get those done by the deadline.

But then her daughter needed a costume one day, for something that they were doing at school, and this is where that mom’s creativity went into overdrive, and she created this really cool costume. And her daughter didn’t care about all the missed notes and permission slips. You know, she just remembered the magic of her mom who made her shine in her own unique way that day.

So here’s the thing. Parenting with ADHD is a rollercoaster. It can come with its own unique challenges. There can be lows like forgetting, pickup or snapping at your kids when you don’t mean to. These things are very real, but they can also be highs.

Your creativity, your passion, your playfulness, your ability to connect and to enter into your child’s imagination, all of these things can be just as real. If you lean on tools like reminders and calendars and breaking tasks into small steps to try and smooth out the rough spots around things like planning an organization,

and if you remember to cut yourself some slack along the way, then you’re not just managing ADHD, you’re actually bringing it in a powerful way into how you raise your kids. And that’s beautiful in its own way. And your confidence in yourself and all your unique and non-conforming ways of going about things will make your kids feel secure and supported.

They will experience a loving, connected, and creative parent,

and that’s what matters most.

So if you are parenting with ADHD and you would like more support, check out our website, [00:12:00] sydneycitypsychology.com.au we have clinical psychologists who would love to work with you on your parenting strategies or just to support you and your mood and wellbeing. We also run an online 10 week group program for adults with ADHD, where we cover a range of practical strategies and tips, and we also focus on identity and emotions . So check out our website, check out our social media channels. Have a look at our other episodes of 10 Minute Mood for other neurodiversity topics in there. If this one hits home, please share it with a parent who might need it.

And until next time, keep breathing. You’re enough right now – today.